“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.”
– Lamentations 3:25
Sometimes God asks us to do things that we know are right but aren’t comfortable. These things stretch our faith and our view of who God is. I’ve been mulling over writing this post for over a month and for a variety of reasons my husband and I both thought that it was best to wait. But now it’s time. Time to let you in on, for those of you who don’t know, what our family has been considering the last six months. It’s time to reveal what has been pressed so deeply upon my heart. In reality it goes back much further than six months. Everything really started when Tim & I were teenagers. Before either of us even knew each other. Most of my life I thought I was going to be a missionary and after my husband went to Alaska for a christian youth camp he felt sure he’d become a pastor. For a multitude of reasons, most of which relate to God growing both of us, it has taken over 10 years to make the decision to finally take this call seriously and pursue whatever it is that God has for us.
Two verses have been reccurring in my life this year, the first is Luke 5:28 which talks about Matthew (Levi) being called by Christ. It says “And he left everything behind, and got up and began to follow Him.” and the second is Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.” The last seven and a half years we’ve been married I’ve become quite comfortable. I never would have thought when we were first married that West Michigan could feel like home, but it does. I love the stability, the people, the places, and things there are to do here. I’m deeply attached to our church and the people there. This place which once seemed more like a temporary resting place for me has become very permanent. I’ve lived in our house here almost longer than I’ve lived in any house. And when Tim first started mentioning moving this spring my heart immediately prickled to the idea. I saw no reason for us to move (going into the ministry hadn’t factored into the decision yet) and all I could think was “Lord, I’m finally comfortable and content where I am. Why would you want me to move?”
Over the next few months I could feel God stretching my faith and in July we went on a missions trip to Vermont with our church. Toward the end of the week Tim and I had a conversation in which we both came to the same conclusion. Looking back over the course of our lives both of us could see one recurring pattern; no matter how far we’ve run from Him or how complacent we have become, over and over again God has pushed us toward the ministry. So we asked ourselves “What does that mean?” What will it look like in our lives to pursue being either a pastor or a missionary? We both realized the first thing that would be necessary is Tim would need to take seminary classes. Thankfully our fellowship of churches has a program called “Practorium” where you can take seminary courses in your local church. What this also means is that Tim will probably have to quit his job because he works usually around sixty to seventy hours a week and works out of town a lot. Both of these things impose a large unfairness against the demands of the schooling. The final thing we are wrestling with is moving. Let me be clear we don’t want to leave but we do want to be open to whatever God has for us.
Over the last year I’ve been extremely convicted about what it means to follow Jesus. As American Christians we find it easy to say that we believe when in reality, we as a whole are not often forced to live out our beliefs. To take the radical things Jesus said and put them into practice. I’ve known Proverbs 3:5-6 most of my life. I’ve always said that “I trust” Jesus, but very seldom have I actually had to lean on Him because He was all I had. The decision to possibly move and start a new job with less hours and most likely far less pay is not an easy one. I’ve been forced to realize over the last month that my trust has not actually been in the God I so freely talk about. It’s been in Tim’s job, our family, our house, and several other things that quite frankly, are not worthy of my trust. God is in complete control of our circumstances. He knows all of our needs and He reminds us in His Word that He cares for us. Honestly, I don’t know if we are for sure moving but we are going to attempt to sell our home and give God a blank check for our lives. We want Him to do whatever He wants with us. Please pray for our family as we continue to seek His face in this situation and thank you all for following along with us on this journey.